I Lost the date on this essay that I am sharing now... it may be March, 2020.  It may be June because as I look to the right I see, "Published on June 29, 2020 1:03PM," which makes no sense as it is not until now published...

Fatalism Essay

I easily go off on tangents, then doubt whether my mind-labyrinth is worthy of your time.  On the one hand, the communication of information is indirect, on the other hand there is integrity in notating the thought process. 

The sad thing on my end that I don't realize I have repeated this path many times here; and here it is again. 

I'm wondering about expressing my thoughts of fatalism since they activate when facing respectable public health concerns, the most important currently being to wear a face mask in public. 

Simply stated, our fates are sealed.  There may have been a time, pre-Zeus, where we lived our lives by rising from the ground to return there in time as a seed, but here we are, post-Zeus.   Death is still the latter bookend to our lives.  Our awareness of it guides us to act, and to live!  Attacks upon us by variant mutating viruses is a given.  We assimilate them and either live or die and no one says much except, say Pneumonia. 
He died of pneumonia. 
That seems to simply answer the complicated question, of what did he die?  Or maybe he died of the flu.  What killed him?   Well there were many terminal conditions, starting with life itself.   We grow old and die.   The reason we die is we've lived out our life to the extent that we can.

Look, I need all the time I can get.   There is no reason to accelerate the inevitable.   However, we're part of nature, and our ability to cope with scourges and plagues is part of nature as well.  I've made this blanket statement before and the idea for the reader is that I provide examples instead of speaking from yon high.  "The imposition of our will upon nature's will is part of nature's will.   We dig!"  (a lyric from Bulb)

I got sick when I first went to the gym but I got sick less often thereafter.
Yes I have herpes and understand it never goes away.   I had chicken pox so now I'll get shingles.   I've managed to create a cycle of bleeding from what is apparently hemerhoids although I feel some difficulty passing certain food from beginning to end, but still don't know what not to eat

I am reticent to avail myself of the invasive wonders of the medical profession.  (no surgery, no medication)   My personal health observations are self-monitored with the help of a doctor discussing my blood test results. 

I lived with the awareness that there was surgical remediation for my heart palpitations, along with the fact that I was choosing to forgo them. 

Thirty years ago I thought I was too old to undergo the strain of an external surgical invasion.

The recommendation was to burn out the ablution...  There was talk of myocardial infarctions which I haven't heard of in the years of past EKG tests.  All I have is the legend of the condition since it stopped affecting me, since I stopped taking medication. 

I had a medication experience recently because of a finding of pre-diabetes which I have since resolved through diet.  The medication, for cholesterol and sugar, was creating a discomfort that affected me when I went for a colonoscopy to examine for internal bleeding since I continually have bleeding hemorrhoids.  That bleeding cycle continues somewhat unvaried to today.  It seems there is swelling and then it drains and it's as if there is no inflammation for a time and then it returns.
Anyway, the colonoscopy was last done (2014) without anesthesia.  I am almost completely against anesthesia because of a silly experience I had with removal of wisdom teeth.   The anesthetized area became infected because my body was unable to address what was happening at the time, leaving it exposed and susceptible.  The infection traveled back down my throat into the lungs to sit for a year as a walking pneumonia cloud in the lung.    So the experiences thereafter up to the present day suggest that my body will address the illnesses I'm confronting and I have to allow that, to allow for continual body/mind awareness.

My recent aborted partial colonoscopy found topical internal hemorrhoid bleeding but the serpentine camera couldn't examine the upper large intestine because its head couldn't negotiate the amazing upper rectangular curve that exists in us.

The pain was abdominal and was also existing independent of the test.   I stopped taking the diabetes/cholesterol medication and the abdominal pain has mostly disappeared.