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Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Would you be able to write a Top Ten songs/albums to hear for women singers? Doesn’t need a Lambs connection, but it would be nice if one or two do. I’m looking for 1940s-1970s songs that are streaming or available now for people to hear during the pandemic, not something they have to go find a rare record or collector. Any ideas? Not long, maybe 500 words max. By around March 1? Happy Women's History Month! Ok, Kevin, Here's the list with background information thereafter. Women Singers Peter Dizozza's Top Ten Album List 10. Without You I'm Nothing (1989) Sandra Bernhard 9. Radio Ethiopia (1976) Patti Smith - includes Ask the Angels 8. Knoxville Summer of 1915 (1990) Dawn Upshaw. 7. Rhythm Nation 1814 (1989) Janet Jackson 6. Close to You (1960) Sarah Vaughn 5. Dinah! (1956) Dinah Washington - includes More Thank You Know 4. Patti LuPone - Live (1992) Patti LuPone -includes I'm a Stranger Here Myself 3. My Name Is Barbra, Two (1965) Barbra Streisand 2. Bette Midler (1973) Bette Midler 1. Don't Go to Strangers (1966) Eydie Gorme' - includes What Did I Have and If He Walked into My Life Peter Dizozza's Top Ten Songs List 10. Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Diana Ross 1970 version) Ashford/Simpson's 9. One Less Bell to Answer (1970) Marilyn McCoo with The Fifth Dimension. songwriters: Bacharach/David's 8. Dream a Little Dream of Me (1968) Mama Cass, by Fabian Andre, Wilbur Schwandt and Gus Kahn. 7. There's No Business Like Show Business (1969) Mary Hopkins, by Irving Berlin, a Lamb. 6. A Hard Rain is Gonna Fall (1989) Edie Brickell, by Bob Dylan 5. Boys Night Out (1962) Patti Page Jimmy Van Heusen (music) and Sammy Cahn 4. Cornet Man (Broadway Soundtrack for Funny Girl version, 1964) Barbra Streisand, by Jule Styne, and lyrics by Bob Merrill. 3. My Man (Movie Soundtrack for Funny Girl version 1968) Barbra Streisand, by Maurice Yvain and Channing Pollock (English Lyric). 2. Our Love It Grows (1961) Myrna March, Songwriter: Ellie Greenwich 1. I Wanna Be Around (1966) Eydie Gorme' (from Don't Go to Strangers) by Sadie Vimmerstedt and Johnny Mercer. Honorable Mentions: I Move On (2002) Catherine Zeta-Jones / Renee Zellweger, by John Kander and Fred Ebb *** conducted by Paul Bogaev. Coffee Homegrown (1978) Kate Bush, by Kate Bush Down in the Depths (1936) Ethel Merman, by Cole Porter For sound quality, consider vinyl records vibrating an amplified needle, or 7 1/2 inch per second reel to reel tapes oscillating magnetic current in a coil. However, most recordings are digitized online such that if you speak to a device, such as a "Google Home Mini," you can consider their merits for yourself. For my evolving opinions on sound and singers and all things musical, I daily learn and defer to the reactions of my wife and our daughter. Although there are countless beautiful performances of choice songs by Lambs during Lo-Jinx, a survey of their selections and arrangements (mostly with Woody Regan and Paul Chamlin) is for another essay. While not including them here, I'll try to mention every other singer identifying as woman that I can think of to join in a conversation that is ever-evolving. When Lady Gaga (former NYU student Stefanie Germenotta) sang, with such power, a rhythmically modified Star Spangled Banner to begin our recent change of administration inauguration ceremony, I sensed in her ambition a bridge forming between pop vocal and opera vocal. May I express my limitations by the names that come to mind when I consider different musical genres? Jazz: Judy Garland, Eydie Gorme' and Nelly McKay to the extent she sounds like a young Ella Fitzgerald. Broadway: Carol Channing and Barbra Streisand. Folk: Joan Baez, Joni Mitchell and Judy Collins. Pop: Lady Gaga, Madonna, Regina Spektor Classical: Patty Lupone, Dawn Upshaw, Teresa Stratas, Isola Jones, Kathleen Battle, Betty Allen Rock (I was born in 1958 so this list is more extensive): Stevie Nicks, Heart lead singer Nancy Wilson, Janis Joplin, and Grace Slick - a Castilleja High School debutante. I think my favorite female vocal rock recording is the Heart song "Barracuda." Progressive Rock went from Kate Bush to Tory Amos, both being singer songwriters. I experienced the popularity of Tory Amos in the 1990's, which remains iconic, but I would refer you only to Kate Bush's Cloudbursting, Coffee Homegrown, and Wuthering Heights. Patti Smith is a definitive poet rocker. She recorded over-the-top pop vocal performances. I recommend her complete Easter album. I am only familiar with her original four albums from the seventies. Indelible memories are produced from hearing her Space Monkey, and Walking Barefoot. My favorite recordings by her are Kimberly and Redondo Beach. When I think of unamplified acoustic singing (ie., opera) I first remember Teresa Stratas. Her ever-interesting vocal album is Teresa Stratas sings The Unknown Kurt Weil. For pop opera fans, please note that Inva Mula is the Lucia di Lamamoor singer in The Luc Besson Fifth Element. Patti LuPone Live (1992) opens with a Kurt Weil song A Stranger Here Myself. I can report herein that the key change at the end of her version is also in the original score of One Touch of Venus. (Her precision is an inspiration to all singers, including those of opera.) Janis Joplin, I don't know what to say. She did it (With her natural musical precision she made screaming sound good.). I can't easily comment on the goddesses in my periphery. I know Nancy Lamott is a legend (Surrey with the Fringe on Beautiful Baby 1991). Joan Baez sang Barb'ry Allen. I guess my favorite album of hers is Joan Baez Vol 2 (1961) Some popular songs escape me. With regard to rock affected vocal, I often return to Patti Rothberg who offers a sweetly beautifully voice among rock singers, free of the attitudes too easily affected by singers aspiring to the level of rock in the wake of perhaps Pat Benatar or Joan Jett singing Allan Merrill's I Love Rock and Roll. I also defer to the barometer of our daughter, Zora, who greets the sound of Patti Rothberg with silent attention. Does anyone seriously consider Fiona Apple, or Alainis Morisette? The overlap into the realm of singer songwriter with attitude must include them. Fiona Apple as produced by John Brion in the "When the Pawn" album seems vastly superior to anything I've ever heard in general. Oh, I love Edie Brickell. I don't know what defining song of hers to suggest, but she sings the early Dylan song A Hard Rain in the Oliver Stone Fourth of July movie, blowing out all other content in that epic movie. Bette Midler singing her own words to "In the Mood" in a Barry Manilow arrangement is an all time hilarious audio highlight. (Arif Mardin Barry Manilow 1973). What she did with Moogy Klingman's You Got to Have Friends is also of note... Amy Winehouse, Liza Minelli? I don't know. I may never recover from hearing Ms. Minelli's "It was a good time..." More recently, Lady Gaga functions as a sequel to the pop of Madonna (in the wake of fashion by clothes designer Alexander McQueen?). I don't know what to recommend for Lady Gaga. Her pop songs seemed like covers of prior pop songs and it is not worth the trouble to consider which songs here. The reverence people feel toward her for her voice, acting (another star is born!) and most redemptive, her piano playing, are also too total for me to address here. However, she did interpret a fresh arrangement of The Star Spangled Banner to commence the Inauguration Ceremony for our United States' most recent change in administration. You can probably ask your smart speaker for that. Madonna sang "Borderline." It was so beautiful to see a deli guy behind the counter instinctively moving to that recording. Also "Like a Virgin," and "Dress you up in my love". I am partial to a song Madonna both wrote and recorded in 1986 called Live to Tell. Her Like a Prayer epic convingly crossed over into gospel. Baby One More Time by Max Martin is a bizarre Britney Spears recording. He also wrote (with Rami) "Oops, I did It Again," which may actually be a good song. The battle of the female vocalists (The Wilson Sisters? They are the band "Heart," but then there's the daughter of brian Wilson involved. What a great last name.) They, the three of them? may be heard to great effect in a song called These Dreams by Martin Page and Bernie Taupin. Ellen Foley is the woman singing with Meatloaf in his Paradise by the Dashboard Light recording for Jim Steinman. You can see and hear Ms. Foley in the 1979 Hair movie. It still hurts to hear her vocal in the Meatloaf Steinman song. Oh and then Steinman has his women singer ballads. Bonnie Tyler's vocal of his Total Eclipse of the Heart is totally over the top, almost horrifying in its greatness. WHAT IS A WOMAN SINGER? Peter Dizozza (he, it, them) While there is an ever evolving issue of gender-defining , the female voice seems a very specific achievement and dare I say, ultimately only possible to be done by women. I realize the historic reverence for the castrati, but I'm suggesting that the woman's voice is a genre unto itself and no one else (meaning men) can come close to achieving it. Yes, I learned a lot from the lip syncers of Fire Island about great female vocal recordings, but they were lip syncing. Their big discoveries offered to me and now shared with you are Ashford/Simpson's Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Diana Ross 1970 version) and Bacharach/David's One Less Bell to Answer (Marilyn McCoo). I guess Carol Channing has a deep voice but I would propose that her unique sound is that of a woman. I suppose Julie Andrews (why think of her here? is it because of Victor Victoria?) was lucky to sing songs of the Sherman Brothers. Richard Rogers wrote "I Have Confidence" for her, and that's the best recording she made I think. I have one solo album from when she was in Camelot, which displays the various shades of her voice (It is Broadway's Fair Judy, 1962, when she was in My Fair Lady) Her great performance in Camelot is to me contained in the song, "I Loved You Once in Silence." ** The challenge with Barbra Streisand is to find the right overthetop recording of My Man, that popular french torch song. Well, I'm going to find it, and meanwhile please refer to her 1962 Funny Girl performance of Cornet Man, and also refer to the reason I ever bought a CD player, which is... because it included a bonus track of her singing Adelaide's Lament on her 1985 broadway album. I Got Plenty of Nothin is on Her Barbra Two Album. I love that because I'm always partial to those swinging sounds. There is no more swinging vocal artist than Eydie Gorme. I refer you to the album that my mother liked and coincidentally it is fantastic for the following hilarious versions of What Did I Have that I Don't Have (Lamb Lerner) and the vendetta song, where revenge is sweet, Ms Vimmerstadt's I Wanna Be Around. Judy Garland strikes me as highly problematic because she is an original jazz singer but she was under contract as a movie star. In addition to her acting and dancing she could not help but interpret when she sang any song. My favorite vocal performance from her would be the TV episode (1963 episode 6 of her show) with Jane Powell... She sang "San Francisco" to close out the night and it is frighteningly commanding. Her fun end song is Maybe I Will Come Back to You by Mel Torme, no it is not... it is by Charles L. Cooke and Howard C. Jeffrey. It's on her 1956 "Judy" Capital album. When we bridge into the opera singer consider achieving the miked vocal impact from unplugged singing built upon the natural acoustics of the house. I also mention here and recommend less well known singer songwriters Diane Cluck, Shilpa Ray, and I guess the now very well known Regina Spector I heard of a supernatural experience from listening to Vanessa Williams on a needle vibrating vinyl record, but I have not yet done so. In a "vinyl" world there is a high regard for the Casino Royale record pressing of Dusty Springfield's vocal of Bacharach/David's The Look of Love. As for Dusty Springfield's work, thanks to Pulp Fiction I also became familiar with Ms. Springfield's Son of a Preacher Man recording. Some recordings taken on new importance because of their use. Instead of experiencing the diminishing returns from seeing many movies, I often turned to Tarrantino who offers a hundred movies in one. He also offers instruction such as how to feed a dog in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. In his leasurely way he gives us, in Pulp Fiction, a lesson in reel to reel tape playback with that reminder of Dusty Springfield's Son of a Preacher Man recording. I'm realizing that Quentin Tarrantino has often offered his movie audience many song suggestions, but always first I thank Stanley Kubrick for hitting me over the head with the greatness of the Dame Vera Lynn 1953 We'll Meet Again recording (song by Ross Parker and Hughie Charles). I love and recommend Mary Hopkins version of Lamb Irving Berlin's There's No Business Like Show Business. Her slowed-down adaptation follows in the wake of the Barbara Streisand/George Williams 1962 slowed-down version of Milton Ager's Happy Days Are Here Again. It makes me sad to hear Whitney Houston sing Saving All My Love for You. The people responsible for writing this song are Michael Masser and Gerry Goffin.

Saturday, December 19, 2020

The Augusteia Characters




Youngster body undeveloped by regimented sports.


Glasses, long hair, shapely body which she cares for without shaving or perfuming.


The only child brat grown up to take over his father's business, his father's father a shoemaker before him.


The only child brat, until his parents gave birth to two more.


All the charm and insecurity of the town assemblyman without hope (empathy) of ever becoming the town assemblyman, and frustrated by this.


Quiet as a ghost.


An old spinster next door, who will play granny when given the chance.


Scampers, scurries, smells.








The Augusteia Outline



THE AUGUSTEIA, by Peter Dizozza


ACT I, FADING COLORS (the first day of September)

Scene 1

The Sentiments of Lisa

Kin's Dead!

The Sentiments of Augee

Atmospheric Stillness

Scene 2

Securing a Job

Dance of the Dolls

Scene 3

The Best of Intentions


The Passion of Matthew

Scene 4

The Police Station (Dialogue introducing Mrs. Crawdles)

Scene 5

The Police Station (Dialogue and Musical Conclusion)

ACT II, THE CRAWDLES (Friday, two months later)

Scene 1

Out of the Grave

Scene 2

Enterprise Theme

Lisa Plans a Party

Scene 3

Augee and His Orphan Friends

Where's My Dearest (Augee Plans a Party)

Scene 4

Baby Crawdles. Mrs. Crawdles Gives Birth on the Floor

The Creeping Smell

Scene 5

Two Levels, Two Parties

Two Parties in the Basement


ACT III, ALMOST EVEN (the following morning).

Lisa Victimized and Victorious.


Malicious Answers to Leading Questions

Scene 1

News Bulletin: "Brother and Sister, Seventy-eight and


Scene 2

Dividing the Estate, Separating

Almost Even

Scene 3

Sabotaging Lisa's Departure

Lisa Gone

I Lost the date on this essay that I am sharing now... it may be March, 2020.  It may be June because as I look to the right I see, "Published on June 29, 2020 1:03PM," which makes no sense as it is not until now published...

Fatalism Essay

I easily go off on tangents, then doubt whether my mind-labyrinth is worthy of your time.  On the one hand, the communication of information is indirect, on the other hand there is integrity in notating the thought process. 

The sad thing on my end that I don't realize I have repeated this path many times here; and here it is again. 

I'm wondering about expressing my thoughts of fatalism since they activate when facing respectable public health concerns, the most important currently being to wear a face mask in public. 

Simply stated, our fates are sealed.  There may have been a time, pre-Zeus, where we lived our lives by rising from the ground to return there in time as a seed, but here we are, post-Zeus.   Death is still the latter bookend to our lives.  Our awareness of it guides us to act, and to live!  Attacks upon us by variant mutating viruses is a given.  We assimilate them and either live or die and no one says much except, say Pneumonia. 
He died of pneumonia. 
That seems to simply answer the complicated question, of what did he die?  Or maybe he died of the flu.  What killed him?   Well there were many terminal conditions, starting with life itself.   We grow old and die.   The reason we die is we've lived out our life to the extent that we can.

Look, I need all the time I can get.   There is no reason to accelerate the inevitable.   However, we're part of nature, and our ability to cope with scourges and plagues is part of nature as well.  I've made this blanket statement before and the idea for the reader is that I provide examples instead of speaking from yon high.  "The imposition of our will upon nature's will is part of nature's will.   We dig!"  (a lyric from Bulb)

I got sick when I first went to the gym but I got sick less often thereafter.
Yes I have herpes and understand it never goes away.   I had chicken pox so now I'll get shingles.   I've managed to create a cycle of bleeding from what is apparently hemerhoids although I feel some difficulty passing certain food from beginning to end, but still don't know what not to eat

I am reticent to avail myself of the invasive wonders of the medical profession.  (no surgery, no medication)   My personal health observations are self-monitored with the help of a doctor discussing my blood test results. 

I lived with the awareness that there was surgical remediation for my heart palpitations, along with the fact that I was choosing to forgo them. 

Thirty years ago I thought I was too old to undergo the strain of an external surgical invasion.

The recommendation was to burn out the ablution...  There was talk of myocardial infarctions which I haven't heard of in the years of past EKG tests.  All I have is the legend of the condition since it stopped affecting me, since I stopped taking medication. 

I had a medication experience recently because of a finding of pre-diabetes which I have since resolved through diet.  The medication, for cholesterol and sugar, was creating a discomfort that affected me when I went for a colonoscopy to examine for internal bleeding since I continually have bleeding hemorrhoids.  That bleeding cycle continues somewhat unvaried to today.  It seems there is swelling and then it drains and it's as if there is no inflammation for a time and then it returns.
Anyway, the colonoscopy was last done (2014) without anesthesia.  I am almost completely against anesthesia because of a silly experience I had with removal of wisdom teeth.   The anesthetized area became infected because my body was unable to address what was happening at the time, leaving it exposed and susceptible.  The infection traveled back down my throat into the lungs to sit for a year as a walking pneumonia cloud in the lung.    So the experiences thereafter up to the present day suggest that my body will address the illnesses I'm confronting and I have to allow that, to allow for continual body/mind awareness.

My recent aborted partial colonoscopy found topical internal hemorrhoid bleeding but the serpentine camera couldn't examine the upper large intestine because its head couldn't negotiate the amazing upper rectangular curve that exists in us.

The pain was abdominal and was also existing independent of the test.   I stopped taking the diabetes/cholesterol medication and the abdominal pain has mostly disappeared.

Augusteia Description

 Dear All, I present for you my 1976 opera;  

"Augusteia" Description

The Augusteia is an opera named after Augee, one of its two main characters. I began writing it in April of 1976 after completing a piano score for "Hasty Recovery," a performance piece for a male and a female vocalist. Because I was comfortable with the approach in "Hasty Recovery," in which two voices represent shades of one person, I invented two closely related characters, Augee and Lisa, brother and sister, to feature in the main roles for a three-act opera.

Act One:

The opera begins with Lisa, an intense young lady, exclaiming, "Kin's dead! Money's gone! Kin's dead. We must go on." She and Augee, her even younger, autistic brother, are left to care for themselves. While Augee, who is tense and disturbed, lays upon Lisa's lap, Lisa calms him. Once sure he's asleep, she reveals her own insecurity, asking,

How can I bear such an earthquake of change,

An alteration of all that I hold so dear?

So like a dress that I'm expected to knit,

It is I it must fit;

It is I who must change.

Rather than fight circumstance, she adjusts to it, on one condition concerning Augee:

That young boy, he won't be lost

What e'er the pain, what e'er the cost.

For him the future will unpage the same

Despite these several lines of change!

After declaring her uncompromising stand on her brother's future well-being, she falls asleep. Augee awakens.

Augee applies creative analysis to his condition. So, too, did Lisa, but unlike her, Augee sees his life as ruled by fate (which includes magic).

He sings, "Someday when the clouds rub up against the moon, several charms will shower upon this life of gloom."

Augee's words invoke tensions which he hopes will snap. He can not stand "Atmospheric Stillness," -- the subtitle of the song. What he denies, and what the audience will not know until the climax of this act, is that a tense situation has snapped and, at this point, both he and Lisa are its leftovers.

By contemplating suicide, Augee expects to bring to world attention the confusing life of a boy unsure of whether he is a dominant or passive (sub-dominant) personality (I wrote an essay which considers this phenomenon as a choice between being an outlet and a socket, called "Horse and Man".). In Augee's longings he has:

Seen some lovely boys

And heard them make soundless noises.

As the pendulum swings. It wrecks their


Quite frankly they really don't know

If they want to be on

Top or on bottom,

Poke or be poked at.

In conclusion, he decides that, unlike anyone, masculine, feminine or otherwise, his preference is "to walk through life like a Frankenstein." He sees himself as an adolescent monster, befriending whoever will tolerate him.

Lisa, her sleep disturbed by the increasing noise of Augee's soliloquy, yells, "That's quite right. You can't help but be stupidly insulting." She announces a real course of action. In order to support them, she is willing to get a job.

In scene 2, "... Lisa secures herself a job." The pride she takes in having a skill (she makes dolls) is expressed as follows: "Give me stuffin', socks and buttons. The results are rather nice."

She visits the town shoemaker and offers to set up shop with him. He is reluctant but, with the assistance of a small chorus of customers, she persuades him. He employs her as a cleaning lady who, if she has time, can make all the dolls she wants.

A ballet sequence parallels Lisa's outing with her family's outings of the past.

Having accomplished the day's purpose, Lisa retreats home. Scene 3 opens with her return. She is bushed, and she treats this unique day not as a first, but rather as though it is part of an already intolerable routine. However, Augee makes it all worthwhile because, through her efforts, he will become her "professional dear," i.e., a doctor or a lawyer.

Augee is silently enraged. To upset Lisa's plans, he mentions their father and their elder brother, Matthew. Lisa cries out and a flashback begins. Matthew appears as an invalid resting in a giant easy chair.

The flashback answers the following:

1) How did Augee and Lisa come to live in a hole?

It is the burnt out cellar of their parents home,

2) How did they become orphans?

Their brother burned down the house the night before,


3) Why did they survive?

Matthew ordered them to leave before he torched the living room.

An elderly next door neighbor, Mrs. Crawdles, hears commotion and reports it to the police. The police visit the ruins and find Augee and Lisa. At the police station Mrs. Crawdles offers them her home while they await adoption.

End of Act One

Act Two:

Mrs. Crawdles is bursting with love for Augee and Lisa, because she is bursting from within with a child which she has carried for 20 years and to which she refuses to give birth. When Mrs. Crawdles finally does gives birth (Augee falls on her.) she loves her offspring and snarls at Augee and Lisa.

Meanwhile, Augee and Lisa plan concurrent parties at Mrs. Crawdles house, Lisa, to return the invitations of her many scholarship friends, Augee, to exclude one of his many orphan friends, the one who never returned his call.

Their friends intermingle like oil and vinegar, so they occupy separate levels of the house -- Lisa uses the living room; Augee, the basement -- but the friends are forced to mix when the smell from Mrs. Crawdles "nursery" drives Lisa's friends downstairs, and one by one, drives everyone from the house. Augee and Lisa do damage to their reputations by guiltily refusing to acknowledge any problem in the house.

Lisa leads Augee to the shoe store. They enter using her keys and sleep till morning when the shoemaker arrives.

Act Three:

The shoe maker advises Augee and Lisa to think for themselves, settle their estate and depart. He is teaching them a lesson and, at the same time, doing them the favor of denying them his company, because he likes them and fears the horror in store for them as a result of his liking them. Augee loves the shoemaker (He loves anyone with the patience to instruct him) and grows dependent. Lisa wants to leave and asks Augee to join her. He supports her plan but says no to joining her. Sensing her anticipation of a free, unhindered life, he easily persuades the shoemaker to help cripple her upon the moment of her departure. Augee continues his actions, i.e., tripping and kicking Lisa, even after they achieve his purpose and soon they strengthen her. She sprouts jet engines and fins and departs on schedule.

The shoemaker warned that he was a bad influence, and that Augee and Lisa must leave for their own good. Augee, lazy and weakened by his desire to break Lisa, stays.

At the end of the first two acts, external forces uprooted the growth of Augee and Lisa. In Act Three, Lisa grows and Augee is uprooted.

Monday, March 23, 2020

Ordered Mind - Illnesses Past

Engaging in luxurious brain dumps, I support the natural order of our universe.

Beyond saying I want order I am at work to achieve it in our micro-world. 

As usual I address this need for order when I am in the process of looking for something that I cannot find.

Oh yes, I'll get those.   I know exactly where they are.   Oh, I moved them.

In this case I have tossed my collection of Briarwood Smoking Pipes... Who needs them, other than as props?  I've had some since childhood, some thirty years ago, some fifty years ago.  Lost.  So what?

In my pipe search, which would have taken a second had I left them where I knew them to be, I embark upon a lengthy and otherwise un-taken path of discovery.  Through this minute concern I accidentally chance upon other forgotten items in my catalog of massive and greater neglect.  The "as yet undone" is impossibly pervasive in my life since I have taken on way more than I can ever accomplish.   I am a speck in the universe?  I am The Speck.

We, here at the apartment, address this ordering of the universe as a family.

Through discussion I confront my deference to the church of the unknown,which becomes synonymous with religion and magic, and to chance, which translates into fate.

There is the rational world, restricted by natural laws.  Somewhere in there I discover serendipity.  My memory of events, a precious few of them may be noteworthy, are my examples to prove the results of serendipity at play.  (I give no such examples here.   None come to mind.)

I'm connecting one prepositional phrase to the other here.  Everything is nebulous and inexplicable, and I live with this.

Since we're currently concerned about curbing the spread of a Corona Virus (#19) I begin here to offer my history of illness.  I will promptly become discouraged from doing so.

It's basically that I have been exposed to illness and have become ill for an extended time thereafter.  I began having a flu shot when our daughter was born, which means twice in my lifetime.   I became very sick in 2011 after I visited a friend who was dying of cancer.  We had a fantastic time together but he was very sick and nobody stopped us from sitting with him in his cramped and inexplicably sealed and stuffy intensive care room.

Influenza is a viral infection that attacks your respiratory system.  We can't visit people who have it because their influenza becomes ours.  We become lost in three months of influenza, and then forget about it.  Three months disappear.

I'm writing this essay to apply my general feeling that we are always exposed to illness and our conditions are terminal, but why shall I discourage this opportunity for us to work together as a planet to address a natural occurrence?   We are preparing to collectively prevent climate change.  This is a momentous occasion in our collective development.  As I lose my illusive savings I confront opportunity, inspired by others confronting it more rapidly, more productively.

Anyway, my periods of illness, specifically respiratory, used to extend for months, and I suppose they will happen again.  If at some point it gets too impossible to breath I will die but though I have felt the webbing in the lungs and I've coughed up a storm, it appears that the coughing is a way of opening the breathing and my otherwise shallow breathing habit is forced out of practice.

As I child I would have palpitations, mostly alone after it became obvious no one else could do anything about them.  They would extend for  hours, perhaps days.  I would lose consciousness regularly when I changed altitudes by, say, standing, and the more I addressed the problem the more I prolonged it.  Being inconsolable, I confronted death alone.  At some point my heart would just give out.  I imagined the irreparable damage to the heart walls.

At some point I discovered that deep breathing simply forced the heart into a normal full-cycle pump pattern.  I pulled in a deep breath which was the ultimate opposite of what it felt like I could do while palpitating.  It broke the tachycardia.

What has happened since I turned 46 is that the whole thing stopped.

The medication I took up to that point both caused and controlled my palpitations and apparently reduced my libido, which was probably just as well.

I'm currently of the opinion that we just have to get through this.   I don't want to discourage preventative measures as it is an opportunity to forge new ways of connecting with another, in addition to realizing the possibility of connection.

We are experiencing such a wide range of events in our single lifetimes!

There's so much to do and not doing requires the same amount of effort as doing so...

(Update:  I was concerned about finding those pipes and found them by looking deeper into a drawer I had already checked.)